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Dear Mr. President,

I recently saw a bumper sticker that said, "Thank me, I

voted for Clinton-Gore." So, I sat down and reflected on

that and I am sending my "Thank you" for what you

have done, specifically:

1. Thank you for introducing us to Jennifer Flowers,

Paula Jones, Monica Lewinsky, Dolly Kyle Browning,

Kathleen Willey, and, of course, Juanita Broaddrick, who

told NBC that you raped her. Are there any others that

we should know about?

2. Thank you for teaching my 8-year-old about oral sex.

I had really planned to wait until he was about 10 or so to

discuss it with him, but now he knows more about it than

I did as a senior in college. The cigar thing was also neat

for the kids.

3. Thank you for showing us that sexual harassment in

the work place (especially the White House) and on the

job is OK, and all you have to know is what the meaning

of "IS" is. It really is great to know that certain sexual

acts are not sex and one person may have sex while the

other one involved does NOT have sex. Monica said

frequently while you were on the telephone, she would

work at one end and you at the other. What productivity!

4. Thank you for reintroducing the concept of

impeachment to a new generation and demonstrating that

the ridiculous plot of the movie "Wag The Dog" could be

plausible after all. The people of the Sudan, Afghanistan

and Serbia are all running to rent the video, now that you

made them part of the story.

5. Thanks for making Jimmy Carter look competent

Gerald Ford look graceful, Richard Nixon look honest,

Lyndon Johnson look truthful, and John Kennedy look

moral.

6. Thank you for the 72 House and Senate witnesses

who have pleaded the 5th Amendment and 17 witnesses

who have fled the country to avoid testifying about

Democrat campaign fund raising.

7. Thank you for the 19 charges, 8 convictions, and 4

imprisonment's from the Whitewater "mess" and the 55

criminal charges and 32 criminal convictions (so far) in

the other "Clinton" scandals.

8. Thanks for remembering the families of many

deceased people who once were your friends, who

served you and died so young and suddenly: Vince

Foster, Jerry Parks, Ron Brown, Admiral Boorda, Les

Aspin, Barbara Alice Wiese, Mary Mahoney, Jim

McDougal et al.

9. Thanks also for reducing our military by half, "gutting"

much of our foreign policy and for providing no real

missile defense system for the American people. Thank

you for sharing with our Chinese friends all of our

nuclear weapon designs, the supercomputer technology

to build such weapons, the ballistic missile technology so

they can have more accurate missiles, and the encryption

technology so they can keep it all secret too.

10. You are amazing visiting all those countries! Thank

you for flying all over the world on "vacations" carefully

disguised as necessary trips. It's wonderful, too, how you

have surpassed every other president in the size of your

entourage on these trips: 75 jumbo jets, 2000 guests to

China alone. Your Africa entourage also was remarkable

and it was nice of you to bring Betty Currie. She needed

a break from testifying before the grand jury.

Please give my regards to Hillary, when/if you see her.

Tell her I'm working on a "Thank You" letter for her,

too!

Looking forward to January 2001,

Average American Citizen

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